Hahahah, that's pretty much how I am with makeup too, most of the time. After a few years I went from "Wait, how does this even go on your face? And where?" to being able to spread foundation/powder to even out my skintone, apply a little color to my cheeks, and use cream eyeliner (pencils, liquid, NEVER AGAIN, but cream eyeliner works great for me, now that I've learned of its existence). Occasionally I can apply false eyelashes in less than half an hour. But more than that, I make akatonbo do it for me. :P

Exception - drawing/otherwise applying a beard. Maybe because a beard isn't supposed to make one look PRETTY.